"The Plan..."

This is how I seem to start most of my sentences these days.  "The plan is..."  For example, "The plan is that you'll go to the hospital and BJ's, while I take the girls to mall for the afternoon."  Dave's part of the plan worked out.  The mall part for the afternoon, not so much.  We went to Macy's and I got Elliot's Christmas dress as well as a Baby's First Christmas outfit for Lincoln (hoping newborn size is not embarassingly big).  But the girls were being major pains (Major Pain! (for all my HIMYM fan friends)), so that was our first and last stop.  In fact, Addie hid under one of the clothing racks and as Elliot and I, holding Charlie's hand, ran around shouting Addie's name (and I went into a panic spiral as any parent would - certain my child had been taken as the the mall was PACKED), Addie simply popped out after probably only 90 seconds, but maybe 90 years, and said "A BOO!"  We went home after that.

So "The Plan is..." that I will work all four days this week.  I haven't worked a four day week yet.  I rather hysterically told myself that I'd work a five day week before I go on leave.  I know now I cannot physically or emotionally handle that.  But this week is Veteran's Day on Wednesday.  So I think I can pull off two days on, one day off, two days on.  Yet I am absolutely screaming inside at going back to work for two and a half more weeks.  Why did I even go back to work in the first place?!  I think it was partially to prove to myself that I could.  I know of myself that I tend to play the martyr.  It's annoying, but you can't unmartyr once you've martyred.   I was also certain that I was letting David down if I didn't.  The money concern is always there, too.  But I am super duper ready to be done.  This is incredibly hard.

I was actually thinking that when Lincoln comes home (it's so nice to say "when"!), and if - like his sisters - he refuses a bottle, I will have so much free time!  No more driving to the hospital!  And no more pumping!  Those two things will free up at least four hours a day!  Think of all the laundry I could do!!!

Speaking of Lincoln - in Lincoln news, he continues to progress.  Yesterday I asked during rounds if there was a plan to begin weaning the vent more.  He's been hanging out on these settings for nearly a week.  I feel like one doctor in particular is more on top of things than others, and we don't have him right now.  So we ask questions hoping it will lead some of the other doctors to make changes.  Sure enough, they agreed that it was time to wean a little bit, provided Lincoln is not having too many A's or B's.  (Apnea and Bradycardia)  Since he has had none, he went from 20/6 to 18/6 and his rate stayed at 35.  Last night when Dave was there it was decided that they would make tiny weaning changes daily.  This morning when Dave was there, it was decided that they wouldn't.  This is a taste of NICU life - one doctor says one thing, the next day a different changes "The Plan."

He's gaining weight beautifully - 4 pounds and change now.  He looks cute in his big boy (preemie) clothes, but I kind of miss his little diaper body.  Also, I'm not kangarooing like I should, because it's easier for the nurses and for me if we just swaddle him and hand him over.  No changing clothes for me, no stripping him down.  Maybe this week I'll get some kangaroo time in.  Today feels rushed since I'm working tomorrow, it's nearly 4PM and I haven't been up yet.

Link's on Pulmacort (a steroid) and Xopanex (for asthma).  The Xopanex is an inhaler - he has a cute little mask that he inhales it with - they taught me how to use it as he will likely need it when he comes home still.  He's on day 67 of life - I don't how he's that old already and I can't believe we've only been going to hospital for 67 days - it feels so much longer!!!